Visitation
by Shanaqui
Summary: Selphie is supposed to be dead, but her ghost disturbs Quistis' sleep. QuistisxSelphie, IrvinexSelphie.
1. Chapter 1

She hasn't been able to sleep for weeks.

Not properly, anyway. When she does sleep it's a numb, deadened sort of sleep that doesn't help enough by the time her alarm goes off for her early class in the morning.

She throws on her uniform, does her hair and stumbles to teach. Somehow, she still does a good job of that, though she sometimes thinks they can feel her deadness in the way she speaks, in the way she moves.

The little strip on her uniform that says she was a friend to a recently fallen SeeD says it all, though. For a while, during and just after the sorceress war, those little strips were common, but now few people wear them.

Squall and Zell and Irvine wear them, too.

She keys in her passcode for the door tiredly, punching her finger against each key as little shards of frustration work their way out. The door opens smoothly and she steps inside without even looking, letting it close behind her, starting to unbutton her uniform.

"Hey, Quisty."

The voice is familiar but the tone is different, and it sounds half there, like an awful lot is missing. It sounds... _dead_.

Which makes sense, since it's Selphie's voice.

"Selphie," she says, weakly, and she takes a step toward the bed, reaching out, fingers brushing over the lightswitch, quickly turning on the light. For a moment, she hopes, and then her heart sinks. "You're..."

Selphie's eyes are on the strip on her uniform. "It's good that they know when to cut their losses," she says, very quietly, and Quistis isn't entirely sure that's what she said. She looks up again, tilts her head on one side. "They've declared me missing in action already."

"It's been weeks, Sel," Quistis says, softly. It's a dream or, or heck, a ghost, and while Quistis has never believed in ghosts she supposes that a lot of things are possible that she wouldn't dream of.

"I know."

"I..." Quistis takes a deep breath, going to sit down next to the ghost. She doesn't quite look at her, doesn't quite want to, doesn't want to see through her. She just sits there and feels her presence. It's not warm like Selphie used to be, or comforting. It's cold and it sends shivers up and down Quistis' back, making her want to rub the chill from her arms. "I've missed you."

The ghost's sad smile is evident in her voice. "I know."

"Irvine has been -- "

"I know," the ghost says, a little too quickly, and Quistis looks at her, startled. She seems to take a deep breath (but of course, Quistis thinks, she can't, really) and lets it out in a long sigh. "I know, Quisty. He's missing me awfully. I suppose he might turn out a bit steadier and more faithful now."

Quistis wants to protest that Irvine was _always_ faithful to Selphie, but she bites it back. Instead she stares at her wall, dredging up her folklore and ghost stories, all misty in the partly forgotten past. "Why are you here? I mean, why are you a ghost? Do you have unfinished business or something like that? Do you need your death avenged? If you showed yourself to Squall -- "

"No," Selphie says, quickly, and she looks down at her knees. "No, please don't even think about it. Don't go to the place where I died."

"How did you die?"

"I... I can't tell you."

"Don't you remember?"

Selphie's eyes are squeezed tight shut, a look of pain or concentration on her face. Quistis waits, confused, wanting to reach out and touch Selphie, prove she's real. But even if she's really there as a ghost, she's not _real_. She's transparent and colourless, cold and bloodless.

"I can't tell you."

Quistis wants to push a little more, but suddenly Selphie is standing up, brushing herself off, even though there's nothing to brush off, and her dress is as ghostly and smooth and pale as she is. Quistis wants to stop her going, even reaches to grab her wrist, but Selphie dodges.

"I have to go," she says, quietly. She pauses and suddenly Quistis feels cool lips against hers, before Selphie is gone.

----

She comes again, the next night, as Quistis was half hoping. When she comes, Quistis is staring at the ceiling like it's a puzzle she can figure out. She knows Selphie is there by the coldness of the room, but she doesn't say a word, just smiles to herself.

Selphie's fingers run gently through her hair. "Sorry I left in such a hurry last night."

"It's okay."

Selphie's fingers touch her lips, the same cool as that kiss. She traces the shape of Quistis' lips and Quistis kisses the cold fingertips lightly, shivering a little. She keeps staring at the ceiling, trying to imagine that Selphie is _really_ there with her. Finally, she sighs.

"How come you can touch me?"

"Eh...?"

Quistis sits up, finally looks at the ghost, wrapping the sheets round her naked body carefully. She pushes her hair out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ears, biting her lip. "I thought ghosts couldn't touch anything real. That they went right through things."

"Maybe I can, if I want to," Selphie says, with a little frown. The look on her face is so _Selphie_ it erases any doubts Quistis might have had, though that hurts a little, more than comforts. She would like to believe that this isn't really Selphie, isn't really a ghost. She'd like to believe that Selphie is still alive, struggling through her mission, taking much longer than expected, but alive.

"You didn't think of it?"

"Nope."

Quistis laughs. It's a natural little laugh and it comes right out of a place that went numb a while ago. It's only a little laugh but it makes her feel better and it makes her feel like crying. "You still haven't told me why you're still here."

"I don't know... Quistis, I'm cold."

Selphie's expession is pleading and even though Quistis doesn't think it'll help, she lets Selphie crawl into the bed with her. She wraps her arms around the cold body and bites her lip, shivering and shivering and shivering.

"Oh... you're so warm."

Suddenly Selphie's hands are everywhere they shouldn't be, chilling and glorious and for a moment Quistis gives in to it but then she pushes the icy body away, rolling back, wrapping the sheets around herself again. "Don't."

"Why not?"

"Just don't."

Selphie gives her a hurt look. And then fades, to her relief.

She cries, though, even though she half wanted her to go, because it's everything she wanted but all wrong and not at all what she wants or needs or dreamed about, once upon a time.

----

"Take your time over it. Don't rush. Just think it through carefully." Quistis tucks her hair behind her ears neatly, sitting up a little straighter. She feels better than she has done in weeks, better for the cry and for seeing Selphie's ghost, knowing for sure that she's dead and no longer in any doubt. It's strange that that helps, but it does. The class are responding better, too. She smiles at one of them and they smile back, and then she gets up to hand out the papers, and she doesn't shake with fatigue at all.

The door opens with a swish and Squall is there, not smiling, not friendly, and she looks up all startled and confused. Another SeeD instructor passes him, not looking at her, and Squall tries for the tiniest of smiles.

"Can I talk to you for a while, Instructor Trepe? I've got another instructor to cover for you."

"Yes, commander," she says, softly, saluting as she's expected to and following him out of the room. She only relaxes a bit when they're walking down the corridor together, though he doesn't even give a little. These days he's all about being proper, being a good commander, a good knight.

"Let's go to my office."

"Okay."

He settles in his chair, and she smiles because it does seem like he belongs there, now. At first he sat awkwardly, like he didn't like the power or the title or the bits and pieces that come with it, but now he's taken up the mantle and he's as sure of it as he is of his friends and even if he doesn't like it, he doesn't show the dislike anymore.

"How are you feeling?"

She looks down at her knees and shrugs, knowing his eyes are on the little strip marking her grief. "Better than I was. It's hard."

"Yeah. Is there anything...?"

"I've been dreaming of her. Or, well, no, not dreaming..." The words have tumbled out, heads over heels, before Quistis thinks and then she looks up, meeting his curious eyes with hers and clenching her fists in her lap. "Strange as it seems, she's been visiting me... as a ghost."

"Quistis -- "

"I know you feel like you can't believe it, but she has. She won't tell me how she died or any of that, though..."

"I can get you help, if you need it."

The offer enrages her and she shakes her head, her fists clenching tighter. She unclenches her jaw after a moment, relaxing her hands, reaching up to smooth her hair. "Maybe it is just a dream."

"Maybe," he says, quietly. "Still... are you sure there's nothing I can do...?"

Tears sting her eyes in the silence that follows, but she doesn't say a word. It's not just that Selphie's gone, and it's not that Squall won't believe her about the ghost. The lighter and brighter it is, the less she believes in that cold presence in her bed. It's that Squall is so _concerned_, so gentle. _Squall_. It's kind of unbearable because it feels like he's forcing himself to say it.

"There's nothing."

She leaves the office, leaves him sat there with his offers of help and his shoulder to cry on. It's not Squall-like and that bothers her, because she did kind of like Squall when he wouldn't open up to just anybody. Now he's a commander, the one who moves the chesspieces, and everyone follows him, and takes their problems to him, and she doesn't like the feeling that she's just one more. She's not his problem, she's her own, and if he's going to act like she's losing it and offer her _help_, she doesn't want it. She doesn't _need_ it.

----

"How did you die?"

Selphie's fingers drag through Quistis' hair, tugging more violently on a knot until Quistis makes a soft sound and reaches up to knock her hand away. She doesn't answer, keeping up the repetitive movement, just combing her fingers through the same part of Quistis' hair over and over and over again.

"Selphie, please."

"I told you I can't tell you!"

Quistis is a little stunned by the vehemance in Selphie's tone and she edges closer, putting her hand on Selphie's leg. "Please. Did someone betray you? Was it a monster? Dehydration? Some kind of illness."

"I can't tell you."

Selphie's words have gained the qualities of a mantra over time and Quistis gives up, looking away, nibbling on her lip lightly. She knows how to find out, really, if Selphie can't say. She'd like to, to put the ghost to rest, so to speak. She doesn't say it aloud, but she's decided. Tomorrow, she'll go to Squall with her plan. And if not, she could do it alone.

For now she gives in to the ghost's touch. She lets Selphie brush her hair, fingers as well as comb, and enjoys the feeling of her messing with it. She lets Selphie touch her, just a little, cool hands massaging her bare skin. She should feel too cold, but instead it's just a return of the numbness -- physical, not mental, this time. Selphie seems to want more, but she doesn't push the barriers. She still complains of the cold, quietly, now and again, but Quistis doesn't offer to do anything about it. She just shivers under the ghost's hands, closing her eyes and letting herself imagine.

Selphie fades in time, as she always does, but Quistis is half asleep when the touch leaves her and she barely notices. She doesn't cry this time. She just dreams -- dreams of being touched, of being loved, of Selphie's careful, eager touch. 


	2. Chapter 2

"I want to go to the place where Selphie died."

Squall looks up, blinking like an owl for a moment. Quistis smiles a little and forces herself to relax a little, realising that just charging into Squall's office and disturbing him the minute she has free time is a little rude. And really, she shouldn't be rude, all things considered. Including the apparent insanity of the request. She takes her time picking a chair, sitting down, folding her hands in her lap. She sits up straight and tries not to appear like a woman possessed.

"I'm sorry... I've just been thinking about it a lot. And you said you wanted to help..."

He straightens up, pushing his work away in an obvious effort to clear his mind. His eyes are immediately on her, then, calm as always but a little warmer than they used to be. "I don't think... Tell me what you want to do."

"I want to go to Selphie's last known position. Complete her mission. Find... find whatever there is to find. Her body. Some sign of how she died."

"Why?"

"Because I hate not knowing."

Quistis looks down at her lap, waiting, not wanting to watch Squall's expression as it flickered through the stages of his thoughts. It _is_ that simple. Selphie is gone, and, ghosts in the night or not, Quistis still doesn't know why. She has no direction for her rage, and no real focus for her grief. She wants, she _needs_ to know. Set the ghost to rest, somehow.

Squall speaks as if thinking aloud, reciting the statistics as if they're burned on his memory. "Three SeeDs were sent on that mission. Selphie was in command of the squad. It was supposed to be a simple mission; reconnaissance."

"I know."

"Somehow, I lost three of my SeeDs on that mission."

Quistis looks up, surprised by the sound of pain his voice, surprised by the way he said it. 'My SeeDs'.

"I lost a friend, too. But there's no profit for Garden to send three more SeeDs. Only the chance for more potential loss. We had to return the fee we were paid for that mission and our reputation suffered."

"Finding out what happened to them doesn't count...?"

"Quistis..." Squall sighed softly, shaking his head. "We might be able to claim the fee if we get the mission completed, but there's no guarantee. We sent three top SeeDs out there and none came back. Another three might just meet the same fate."

"You talk about it as if it's inevitable."

"I think it is."

"I'll go alone."

Squall stands up, and Quistis stands too, putting her hands on his desk for support because she is shaking with the tension, with anger, with a sudden cold sick fear. He doesn't reach out, he doesn't lean closer, just shakes his head. "I'll have you confined to quarters."

"Let me go. Send six SeeDs! Send nine! There's a profit in it, even for you, Squall. There's regaining our reputation. There's the chance to find out what happened and come to terms with it. There's a chance to bring a body back for a funeral."

"There's a chance they're still alive," he suggests, quietly, "but it's not a big enough one."

_She_ knows there's no chance that Selphie is alive, but doesn't say that. She leans closer, clenching her fists. "Please, Squall, see it my way. I... I _need_ to do this. I need to set Selphie to rest properly. I need... closure."

"You loved her, didn't you? As more than a friend, I mean."

Quistis closes her eyes. The tears prick at her eyelids and she spends a moment standing there, straightening up, bringing herself back down and under her own control. "Yes," she says, so simply, and she wants to cry even more at finally admitting it aloud.

"I'll think about it."

She opens her eyes, a little surprised. She realises that she expected him to say no from the start, that she never expected to convince him. That even though she's desperate for the closure of it, she knew from the start that Squall would think it was mad. She meets his eyes steadily, nods slightly. "Thank you."

"Don't hope for too much," he warns, with a tiny smile; a sad smile, but it's a smile and she takes it to heart.

-----

Quistis stares into the cup of coffee. Others around her are eating, talking, chattering even, happy and carefree, thoughts far from the three SeeDs lost to who knew what. But she can't stand the thought of food right now. The coffee is about as much as her stomach can stand and even that is too warm, a heat in her belly that contrasts sharply with the numbness that has been growing in her since that night...

"Hey, Quisty." Irvine's voice is quiet, still pained, and as he drops into the seat opposite her the grief is still too evident in his eyes for his smile to be as charming as usual. "Heard about your mission. From Squall. He says that if you go, you can pick the SeeDs to go with you... will you take me with you?"

She wants to say no, for a moment. She wants to be selfish and damn it all, damn the way he used to walk around with his arm around Selphie's waist as if it were easy and simple and natural and as if it meant nothing, and damn the way he smiles sadly now and the way he barely got out of bed for days after the news, and damn the way he's suddenly the new improved non-flirting Irvine Kinneas.

Instead, she nods. "Of course, you... you have more right than _I_ do to go on that mission."

"I don't know..." He sighs, reaching to steal her coffee and staring at it for a moment before finishing it off for her. "Maybe I don't. I mean... I didn't even _think_ of going after her. Finding out what happened. And yet now I think about it, she deserves that. You know?"

"Yeah, I know."

They're silent for a moment, and then she finds a smile, motioning to her empty cup.

"Aren't you going to do the gentlemanly thing and get me more coffee? Especially considering I just agreed to let you come on my special mission."

His laugh is thin, but he laughs, and he gets up with a mocking little bow. "Of course, my lady. How could I be so rude?"

It's almost pleasant to be with him now. If things were different and Quistis really felt that way about any man, she might have liked Irvine more than she did, felt amused and charmed by his flirting, been more ready to forgive his faults. And now that Selphie was no longer a warm, living issue between them, the ache of her jealousy eased a little. It was easier to smile at him, to banter with him, as friends.

Although Selphie does still remain between them. Quistis stares down at the table as she thinks of that, wonders if Selphie goes to Irvine when she fades away. Wonders why Selphie's ghost comes to her at all, if it's some kind of pity or... or if her misgivings and cold thoughts are right, and Selphie's ghost is only a dream, only a delusion of an over-wrought and grieving mind.

"Is something wrong?"

His concern hurts, too, and Quistis shakes her head quickly as she takes the coffee from him. "Nothing."

The coffee is bitter with only a hint of milk and sugar. Perfect.

-----

"You mustn't go!"

The ghost's urgency wakes her, the cold hands on her body all of a sudden like sudden spikes of ice ripping through the fog of a sleep spell. Quistis has felt that before, when she was fighting, and the similarity nearly has her reaching for her whip until she realises what it is.

"Selphie?"

"Who else? Quistis, you can't go, you mustn't."

Quistis sits up, wrapping the sheets around her, too sleepy to be graceful. She combs her hair back out of her eyes and considers cutting it for the millionth time. "Mustn't go where...? You're not making any sense, Selphie."

"You mustn't go to the place -- you _know_ where I mean and you know why you can't go! How could you try and persuade Squall to send SeeDs? You know that they won't come back either. You won't come back. I -- you won't come back to Garden. There's no _reason_ for you to go, nothing to be gained!"

Selphie is frantic and Quistis thinks that she makes no sense with her tripping and stumbling words.

"Selphie... I have to go, and you know why I have to go, too," she says, quietly, rubbing sleep from her eyes and stretching a little, looking up into the pale face. "You sound like Squall all of a sudden, talking about things being gained."

"Because he's right!"

"Why mustn't I go? Tell me the real reason."

Selphie stops. All of a sudden, she stops. She's suddenly calm and cool again, ghostly pale and barely there. She sits down on the end of Quistis' bed with a sigh, looking down at the floor. "You'll be in danger," she whispers, and Quistis waits for more, but she doesn't seem ready to elaborate.

"Why will I be in danger? What from?"

"I can't tell you."

"Can't or won't?"

"Can't," Selphie says, but the stubborn set of her jaw, so like and unlike Selphie's living expression, says _won't_ louder than words. Quistis is reminded of Selphie's tantrums, few and far between as they'd been, when she was small. She also remembers her fierce determination in the face of the odds, the dedication to the fight, the smile on her face even as they fought Ultimecia. All the things that had made Quistis fall so hopelessly in love with her.

It reminds her of that, but it isn't that, exactly. It's firmness surrounded by fear, and though Selphie was afraid often she'd never let that rule her before.

"You never used to think about gaining things," she whispers softly, "it was just about what you thought was right."

And Quistis thinks that going to find out how Selphie died is right. So she takes the lesson from Selphie-in-life and lies down on her side, facing away from the cold presence. It seems to get colder, and she curls up, pulling the sheets around her more securely.

"You're an idiot, Quistis Trepe," Selphie says, and that Quistis _feels_ her pull back and pull away and get colder and then fade, and the tears on Quistis' face are the only warm thing in the room.

-----

Quistis is woken early the next day and told to go and see Squall, and she dresses faster than she remembers doing before, getting herself into comfortable mission clothes, sure that Squall wouldn't summon her so urgently if she wasn't to go on the mission. She brushes her hair and ties it back and is ready for action quicker than she's been since the end of the war.

And he doesn't disappoint, already up and fully awake and sitting at his deck working when she walks into his office. He barely greets her, just nods at her slightly, scrawling his signature onto another official form.

"You have the mission."

"Tha -- "

"But you also have a lot of things to consider." He looks up at her through his bangs, and the smile he offers is encouraging and half shy, despite the finality and command in his words. "You are not to try and do too much alone. Your primary task is to find out what happened and locate the bodies, if necessary. You will not attempt to complete their mission unless there is little risk involved."

"Understood, sir," she says, body tense, trembling with all the _feeling_. Regret. Relief. Sadness.

"You're to assemble your team of five other SeeDs and leave by sixteen-hundred hours."

And it's as simple as that for Squall, mission parameters and then her team. The day until sixteen-hundred is a whirlwind of action and Quistis barely thinks of Selphie, somehow, caught up in it. It's probably better that way. Irvine and Zell and three other tough, battle-tested, rank twenty-five SeeDs. They have one of Garden's airships to use, even, and Irvine and Zell admire the Estharian design as they get in, and a while it's almost normal.

It's almost normal and right until they really start thinking about their mission, and then a quietness descends, taking them all by the throats and hearts and preventing speech and smiles. 


	3. Chapter 3

"This place... ugh. It gives me the creeps."

Zell shivers. Quistis can see it, the shiver running up and down his back and not relenting even a little. She walks forward to join him at the mouth of the cave, looking into the darkness, and she has to agree. It feels like... it feels like Selphie's touch, cold ghost hands on bare skin. She shivers, then, too, and turns to one of the young SeeDs. "Go tell the pilot to stand fast. Pick up some transmitters and torches."

"You expectin' us to need to call for help?"

Quistis turns to look at Irvine, shakes her head just a little. She lowers her voice so the others don't hear, so only Zell and Irvine catch her soft words. "Even if we need to, even if we do, Squall won't send us reinforcements. We're on our own."

"He thinks it's a suicide mission."

"It's going to be tough." Quistis looks down at the ground, thinks of Selphie's panic at the idea of them going in there. She wonders what waits in there, laying in wait in the dark and cold beyond that horribly mouth-like entrance. "After all... Selphie didn't make it back."

"No, she didn't," Irvine says, softly. He meets Quistis' eyes for a moment. "But we don't need to let the other SeeDs realise that."

"Exactly. Hence the transmitters. And we definitely do need the torches if we're heading on in there."

"Well... if Selphie went in there, we certainly can."

"This whole mission is giving me the creeps," Zell whispers, with an air of almost disagreeing, but he doesn't show a sign of it as he collects his torch and his transmitter from the young SeeD. He turns to the group and grins. "Everyone ready?"

Quistis is thankful that Zell and Irvine are with her. Zell for his cheerful face on things, his cheerful face on _everything_, come to that. Irvine, because, well, he's as nervous about this as she is. As worried. As desperate to find out as she is, and as upset about having to do so. He's company, all in all. Understanding company.

"I'll go in first."

It's an easy decision to make, she thinks, strapping the transmitter to her wrist and stepping up to the entrance. If danger is to come, it'll come to her, not to Irvine. To some extent she's keeping Irvine safe for Selphie, safe from the horror that Selphie couldn't explain. Her torch's beam cuts the darkness easily, and she checks the place before she steps in. No nasty surprises. No sight or sound of a monster, no sight or sound of the missing SeeDs. She steps inside.

"Can't see much. Just... rock."

"And vines," Irvine points out, following her, waving a hand at all the greenery covering the walls. "There's a whole lot of those."

"I don't like this place," one of the more inexperienced SeeDs whispers, and Quistis is quietly glad when Zell hushes her, walking beside her to calm her down. She has to agree. Her hand strays closer to her whip with every step she takes and yet there's no threat to be seen. Just felt, prickling the back of her neck, speeding up her breathing and the thump of her heart.

It seems like an age, down there in the dark. Quistis wonders if they'll need spare batteries for their torches, pushes that thought away because the only spare batteries they have are in their transmitters. Although she still feels the threat all around her, she can't find any reason for it. There's no reason why her breath suddenly catches and she spins to look behind them, into the dark that closes and opens around them. There's no reason for the frightened girl's whimpers.

Quistis trips over the body even as she thinks that.

The frightened girl screams.

"Light, please," she says, softly, a little stunned, picking herself up. Irvine takes her elbow, steadying her carefully, and she takes a couple of deep breaths while the other SeeDs gather round, training their lights on the body. Zell bends down to examine it, checking for breath, for pulse, and then shaking his head.

"Dead. Strange, though..."

There's a note of fear in the SeeD's voice. "What's strange?"

"No decay." Zell spends a moment longer looking the corpse over and then stands, looking shaken. "No blood, either."

There was a soft sound and then a thump. Quistis spins to the source of the sound, heart hammering again, and then sighs in almost relief when she sees the girl has just fainted.

"Get her back to the airship," she commands the two other SeeDs. They aren't important, anyway. She's sure that if it comes down to a fight, they have everything. Zell for close range, Irvine for long range, and her to dance between the two, her whip as long or short range as she needs it. She's ready, too, ready for anything. Ready to find Selphie's body cold and dead and drained of blood, if that's what waits. Seeing that body there is like a slap to the face, recalling her from baseless fears to the mission.

"Quistis?" Zell touches her arm gently.

"Let's go on."

"Shouldn't we wait for them to come back?"

Quistis shook her head, pointing her torch into the blackness yet to explored. "They can catch up."

-----

"I thought you said they'd be able to catch up," Irvine says, softly. It's the first word anyone has said in a long while. It feels like longer because of the dark but Quistis knows it's only been half an hour. Half an hour of walking in the tangle of tunnels until she felt tired with more than just the physical exercise.

"Maybe they wanted to stay with her. It doesn't make much difference."

"It would in a fight."

"Hopefully, we won't get into a fight."

She smiles at Irvine, even though she can barely see him and he can barely see her. She senses that he returns it, anyway. Doesn't matter if they get into a fight or not. A certainty has been steadily growing. She knows they'll find Selphie, find out what happened to her. She thinks of it, pictures Selphie's ghost sat there beside her body, cold and angry, but...

But what?

Most likely they'll find Selphie's body half eaten by monsters already, killed by some monster. Maybe they won't even find Selphie's body, maybe they won't make it that far.

Selphie must have warned them off for a reason, after all, even though the dead body on the floor is the only reason they've found so far. And somehow Quistis can't see Selphie leaving a body just laying there. Surely she would've done _something_, even if it was just a rough fire spell fueled cremation.

Nothing rings true about this mission, though.

"Maybe we should go back to look for them," Zell says, after five minutes more silence.

"No. Let's keep going."

Nobody says anything more. Even though Zell talked about turning back, he feels they're just about to reach something, too. Quistis is not sure why. It just feels different. The dull terror is gone, replaced by a flood of adrenaline, her heart thumping quickly.

"Holy -- "

"What the -- "

"My god..."

They've found something. They've found something alright.

"What _are_ those?"

"They look like... pods. Seeds."

Quistis turns her torch off. The whole room glows -- bioluminescent -- and she might as well save the batteries. She puts it down on the floor carefully, walking towards one of the pods. Again the air is like ice, like cold ghost hands, touching her, all around her. The pods are almost clear in places, and she goes to look inside, to see whether it's hollow or what.

"Quistis?"

She hears Zell coming up behind her, hears the concern in Irvine's voice as he moves toward her as well. But she can't turn to face them. Can't look away from what she's found, the horror at the heart of the labyrinth.

"Look," she whispers, and her voice is shaking even though she thinks she's in control. "Find a clear part and just _look_."

She knows when Irvine sees. She hears the intake of his breath, tears her eyes away from the pod to see the shake going through him. But Zell reacts faster than both of them, his fist driving into the side of the pod. "Fucking hell -- !"

The thick skin of the pod doesn't even quiver at the hardest punch Zell knows. The movement and the angry exclamation break Quistis from her trance, though, and she looks up at Irvine with confused eyes. "It seems we found Selphie."

"We've done more than that, Quis," Zell says, quietly. He's grinning. She can't understand why he's grinning. Selphie is there. Her body is there, cold and unmoving and --

_Breathing._

------

She waits. She's good at waiting but even she gets impatient. And she's beginning to realise that it was a bad idea to decide to sit alone in the room with the two pods containing the still living, breathing bodies of Selphie and one of her SeeDs. She can't imagine what's happening to Selphie. She doesn't even want to think about it with her back against Selphie's pod and a prickle in her skin as if someone is staring at her.

It's been an hour, she realises. She gets up. Best to do something. Busy herself with something -- anything. She picks up her transmitter and starts to fiddle with it, starting a signal. Maybe she can open a channel to the pilot. Find out what's taking so damn --

"What are you doing, Quisty?"

Selphie's voice is soft and gentle, nothing like the way Quistis heard it last. It's thicker, too, as if every word is a struggle. Quistis gets up quickly, spins to put her back to a wall -- a wall, not a pod -- and face the ghost. The 'ghost'. Since Selphie isn't dead.

"You're not Selphie."

"Of course I am." The ghost takes a step forward and Quistis finds herself pressing further back against the wall. She can feel the vines against her back. The only thing that could make her feel worse would be if they started moving under her back. A chill crawling up her spine says they might. "I'm Selphie. Your Selphie."

"Selphie has _never_ been mine. What are you, really?"

It never rang true. Selphie's hands on her. Selphie's words. Selphie's words that weren't words Selphie would ever have said, because Selphie was open and bright and honest, because Selphie was always so full of hope. Not even death could strip that from her and Quistis tells herself she should've known. As much as she has always loved Selphie, she should have known.

The thing stops. "Ah. I see. You've discovered the truth, as you see it."

"You're not Selphie."

"No, I suppose I'm not. Not yet. But I could be."

"Tell me what you are."

It smiles. It stays where it is, eyes fixed on Quistis'. It seems to taste the words, speaking each one slowly and making it whole, making Quistis hear and remember every word of it. "You might call me a... leech. Or a vampire. I feed on her thoughts, her feelings, her deepest desires and her greatest fears. Everything she is. Her body is of no use to me, but her mind..."

Quistis desperately looks at the transmitter, starts trying again to configure it. Where the hell are Zell and Irvine? They were just going to bring cutting tools. Nothing complicated. Nothing complicated at all.

She flinches away from the ghost's touch to her cheek.

"That's useless to you now. They won't come to your call."

"What do you mean?"

"I have them here already."

It's barely a smile, on that pale translucent face, but Quistis sees it. It steps back and for a moment Quistis almost sees what it really is, but before she has any time to grasp it or memorise it, it's gone, leaving only the almost-Selphie. The vines start to move and Quistis steps away from the wall quickly, biting her lip. Her eyes are wide and her skin crawling, but she tries not to show a glimmer of it. Two more pods slide slowly forward, translucent all over and softer looking.

Her whip is in her hand almost before she sees the spikes of Zell's hair and she lashes out at the ghost. It shouldn't be able to feel anything, but it always has been able to touch her. Not a real ghost at all, and it flinches back from the bite of her whip. "Let them go," she says, coldly.

The cold smile she gets in return would chill her, except she's chilled to the bone already. The two pods release, spilling Zell and Irvine out onto the floor, barely breathing and paler than death.

"They live. For now." 


	4. Chapter 4

"Can you sit up?"

Irvine blinks at Quistis as she helps him up, supporting him on her slender arm. Beside him, Zell blinks and stretches, confused looking and almost cross eyed. It takes Irvine a moment to reorder the world, too, and then he looks up at Quistis, pulling away from her. "What happened?"

"You were captured in a pod. I just ordered the creature -- "

"_Selphie_?"

Quistis gets to her feet carefully and thanks whatever deities are out there that Irvine doesn't seem strong enough to stand up, weak from being in the pod although definitely alive, kicking and likely to stay that way for the foreseeable future. "No, Irvine. Just something that's been killing her slowly, sucking out her life and soul. It's already done it to that body we found and dumped it there."

"I thought you would take the warning," the monster says, softly, "I thought you would take the warning even before that, but I didn't want to take a chance. I found out quickly that Selphie's lover, Irvine, wouldn't have the initiative to demand to come here. But I quickly found that you would. So I appeared to you."

"We've come to take Selphie back."

"Then I have a deal for you."

"First we want to know more about what you are." Quistis' voice is soft, but commanding. She isn't expecting any argument from Zell, or Irvine, or from the monster that has taken Selphie's shape. She stands up straight and tall, fists clenched at her sides, and she's wearing a glare that would put Squall to shame.

"I am... a monster, I suppose. A leech. I can survive only by taking from others. I'm essentially a plant based life form, but given life energy -- memories and emotions of a person -- I can take that person's form. As I have in this case. When I have enough strength, I can travel around in this form -- through walls if I so choose -- and manifest myself to people. Often I choose people close to the person who died."

Irvine pushes up all of a sudden, coming to his feet with a wobble, and Quistis moves to support him. He glares at the monster, leaning against Quistis heavily and glad for the strength of that deceptively slender body. "Why not me then? Why didn't you come to me?"

"Are you feeling hurt by that? I went to Quistis."

Zell looks up at Quistis, frowning a little. "Quisty...?"

Selphie, no, the thing that looks like her, smiles to herself. "She loves the girl. Don't you?"

"That's not any of your business. No one's business but my own."

"It's okay, Quistis, I don't... hold it against you or anything," Irvine says, quietly, and Quistis forces a smile, and nods. She's never wanted anyone to know. It's been her own private pain, her precious little secret, and she's still not sure she wants them to know. But still, the ghost -- the _thing_ -- said it, and it's out between them, now. She's sure Irvine _won't_ hold it against her. But still. It was her secret.

"I didn't go to you, Irvine, because you had already given up on Selphie. Quistis had not. It was Quistis I had to warn away. And it's Quistis that this deal works for, she has the most to lose if you free Selphie."

"I don't see how I have anything to lose. I gain my friend, alive and soon to be healthy again."

"Let me tell you the deal now."

Irvine pulls away from Quistis a little, giving her a careful, warm look. "Don't let anything this bitch says harm you, Quisty. I know you... you love Selphie. Whatever she says, I'm sure you'll do the right thing."

Zell nods, forcing himself up to his feet to clap Quistis soundly on the shoulder. "Exactly. Quisty, we all know you're the least likely one to ever get into trouble or temptation and all of that. S'a good thing the choice is before you and not me."

Quistis takes a deep breath. Despite Irvine and Zell's faith, she doesn't know what the monster will throw at her. It could be that with the time the monster spent with her, it came to know something about her. Maybe from Selphie's memory it picked up something. Maybe it knows something that she can't resist, maybe it has an offer that she won't be able to turn down, not even for Selphie's sake. It seems the type of thing for this situation. "I'll hear it," she says, softly, and then nods. She'll hear it. That can't do any harm.

"Selphie has only been read. Not truly fed from. I know all her secrets and all the things she keeps inside her, but as yet, she remains... alive and whole, you might say. I can free her."

"That's what we want," she says, quickly, lifting her chin a little.

"I thought you said you'd hear me out?"

Quistis waits. She doesn't say anything. She just waits. This isn't her game. She watches the expression on the ghost's face, which is one of careful sincerity. She doesn't believe it for a moment but she watches anyway, watching for any flicker, any hint.

"I'll offer you an exchange. You let me keep Selphie. Her body. Let me absorb her. In return, I can be... I can be your Selphie. I can... I can be her, Quistis. You know I can. I had you completely convinced. You let me have her and I'll let you have everything you want."

-----

Zell's voice is a low hiss in her ear. "You're not seriously considering this, are you, Quistis?"

She's pale. She's pale and shaken and withdrawing into herself to think. She isn't seriously considering it, not really. The thought of those icy hands on her rocks her to the core and she doesn't think she could stand knowing she'd sold out Selphie. But she still has to think. How can they get Selphie out if she refuses? _Can_ they get Selphie out if she refuses?

"Quisty?"

"Shut up and let me think!"

The answer definitely takes some thought to reach. She smiles when she comes to it, burrowing down inside her mind. /Ifrit?/

/Mistress./

She doesn't like talking to the guardians. It's the strangest sensation to speak to Ifrit -- every response is like liquid fire in the back of her mind, the concentration necessary almost painful in itself. And if the guardians don't want to talk, they can be even worse to contact. However, this is almost like Ifrit is making it easy.

/Do you know what this thing is?/

/A leech. Don't trust it. Kill it!/

/I need to free Selphie and the other SeeD first./

The agitation the guardian feels at that is obvious. /There have always been leeches. There must be sacrifices made to rid the world of them. They only survive because people like you are weak./

/You know for a fact I'm not weak, Ifrit./

There's a long pause. She can hear Irvine and Zell speaking to her but she remains focused inward, taking deep breaths to calm herself and almost like she's meditating. She waits. She knows Ifrit can help her, _will_ help her, if he's so desperate to rid the world of these leeches.

/I can help you. Summon me and I will burn away the pods, breaking the creature's connection with the pods. That is all I can do if you refuse to be stronger./

/It will be enough./

She stands up, already giving herself over to the heat of Ifrit's summon magic. She hears Irvine's protest and watches Zell pull him out of the way, and she lends the heat of her rage to the summon spell. The rage of being mislead. The anger at being led to believe that maybe in life Selphie had wanted her too. Loved her too. The rage that came from knowing that she had never really protested anything Selphie's 'ghost' had done or said, even though it wasn't really Selphie, even though she knew that Selphie should be with Irvine.

And the rage of that offer being put before her, that offer that a lesser person might not be able to deny. She adds the hurt that she might've been that lesser person with just a little less backbone. She adds her rage that Irvine and Zell thought she might accept the deal and at the fact that they think she might do this if it might harm Selphie.

And her rage that they might just be right.

Ifrit unfurls out of her in a flurry of power that blinds her and caught up for a moment in just that fire, she forgets the rage and hurt and the need to destroy. And then he's gone, and she falls back to earth again, gasping for breath and momentarily weak. It gives her a savage burst of energy to see the monster waver.

/It should be gone in a moment, mistress,/ Ifrit whispers, deep in her mind, and she nods dizzily before she lets him sink away to wait and consume her memories.

"As if I'd ever do that," she whispers, to the ghost. It doesn't look like Selphie anymore. It looks like something beyond description. Something twisted and ancient and dark, and it sends shivers up Quistis' spine. After the heat of Ifrit's attack the cold of the cave is even worse. "As if you could ever be worth half of Selphie, whether she's mine or not. Irvine," her voice snaps sharp with command, "get the real Selphie out of here. Zell, you take the other SeeD."

Zell and Irvine leave, carrying the two bodies slowly, carefully. Quistis stands there, guarding and waiting, watching the monster die. Making sure it's gone.

-----

"Quistis? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Selphie. You?"

It makes her smile to see Selphie there, in full colour, warm and alive and bright and smiling without a hint of cold or sadness in her face. Quistis still can't quite believe she's really alive, not after seeing what was almost her ghost. It's a relief as well as strange, and it hurts as much as it heals. Quistis is sure that's just the way it goes, though, like the way she walked out to see Irvine and Selphie holding onto each other, embracing, kissing. It's just the way it goes.

"Much better than I was. Thanks to you. Irvine told me everything... really, it's all thanks to you I'm standing here now."

"I'm sure Zell or Irvine could've done exactly the same."

"Maybe. But still, it wasn't them... it was _you_." Selphie smiles at her for a moment. The private pain still hurts, maybe more so now it's not private anymore, but for a moment it's almost like old times. Then Selphie sits down beside her with a soft huff. "Sorry, still feel a little weak. Irvine told me everything, you know, so... I didn't know that you, you know, love me. If it's true. You do love me, right? Irvine wasn't, I don't know, making that up?"

"It's true."

"I see."

"I'm sorry if it's a problem..."

Selphie shakes her head, smiling brightly and wrapping her arms around Quistis, squeezing her briefly. "Not at all, Quisty! I just didn't know, that's all."

"If you didn't know, how come the monster did?"

"Well," Selphie looks uncomfortable for a moment, and then she shrugs, offering a smile, "I thought you might, maybe. But you were good at hiding it. I'd catch a glimmer, and then nothing, so I figured... probably not."

"Ah."

"You do know... you know I'm straight, right? And that, you know, me and Irvine... it's forever." Selphie's smile is tiny but she can't hide it when she says that, and Quistis wouldn't want her to if she was looking.

Quistis looks up. Selphie's arms are still around her, thin and reassuring and purely friendly. That almost breaks her heart, except it's such a nice gesture that it brings her heart into her throat for an entirely different reason. She leans a little closer to Selphie and nods slightly, smiling when Selphie brushes a kiss over her cheek and rests their foreheads together. For a moment, they sit quietly, sharing a moment that has nothing to do with romance and has everything to do with intimacy and friendship and a kind of wonderful selfless love Quistis won't admit to.

"You're still my best friend," Selphie says, quietly.

Quistis smiles. It helps. It's not much, but it does help. Selphie's friendship will be quite enough for her.

"Thank you." 


End file.
